Thursday, April 20, 2006

Happily confused...

Until today, I hadn't spoken to Bassman since Saturday night.

I was afraid that, despite my optimism, our friendship was ruined.

Today while at work, my cell phone rang, and I answered without glancing at the caller ID, assuming naturally that it was a message I had left minutes early being returned.


"You weren't supposed to pick up -- you're at work! I was just going to leave you a message."

"I can hang up and you can call back if you'd like."

And from there, ten minutes of casual conversation, updating one another on our week so far, commensed. It was like our conversations have always been all these years -- easy, full of laughter and comfort.

Since we were constrained for time, I called him back after work and we chatted through my commute home. Twenty more minutes of the most unawkward conversation.

I've always had breakups where you pretend for yourselves and each other that you can remain friends, but after a few awkward, painful phone calls you give it up and retreat back into your own separate lives. There is none of that with Bassman. I don't know what that means, but I know it's good. I didn't cry. I didn't want to. There was no uncomfortable silence. There were no references to Saturday night, trying to play nonchalant all while attempting to secretly guage the other's response. I closed my cell phone...and I smiled.

I hope this is a positive sign, not only for our future (in whatever capacity), but also for my life and my own maturity. Finally something has not fallen completely apart. Something has not imploded in my face. An experiment failed. And I'm not burned. Not even singed. Not remotely.

It's a good feeling. I hope it lasts...


At 4/26/2006 11:06 AM, Anonymous Leslie said...

You know, my Afrikaaner and I had a bit of a split just when things were starting to get interesting. We didn't have the background that you two do, but we had decided that things needed to not go further, besides friendship. The night of that conclusion also continued into the two of us having oujr first real, deep, coe-to-Jesus talk about ourselves. Two weeks later, we succumbed to the fact that we were idiots and of course we were meant to be together. I admitted to myself I was in love with him about two weeks after that and the rest is history. You of all people know that stupidity ispar for the course when it comes to relationships. Hang in there--it'll work out as it should.

At 4/26/2006 4:44 PM, Blogger 21st Century Woman said...

My dear, sweet Leslie, I've missed you!

I won't pretend I'm not glad that the stupidity can be fleeting, but I am not getting my hopes up too high lest we remain morons forever. :)

In other news, I haven't seen you in forever and demand your company in the near future.

At 4/27/2006 12:01 PM, Blogger Small Town Diva said...

wow, you are going through some BIG stuff. WE need a diva date.

At 4/27/2006 8:37 PM, Blogger 21st Century Woman said...

We do need a diva well as a diva reunion with the former ApprenticeDiva. :) I look forward to it!!!


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