Saturday, November 05, 2005

The baby blues...

Just when I had gotten the ball rolling on my blog, there I went abandoning it for the week as I trained at my new job. New Job looks exciting, but it involves far more information than I ever could have anticipated. Lord knows I'll be on the phone at least twice a day with the woman I'm replacing, begging her to explain to me what on Earth is going on.

The woman I'm replacing is leaving to have a baby. I haven't spent a significant amount of time around a pregnant woman since...well, gee...since I was pregnant. My pregnancy was difficult (forget for a moment that I was 18 at the time -- that was the least of my problems!). The dreaded preeclampsia haunted me for months. I have been warned that, since it struck me the first time, it will likely effect me in subsequent pregnancies. Out of fear, I determined that the Kid would remain an only child, unless I someday decided to adopt. But I'll be darned if being around a pregnant woman eight hours a day, five days in a row didn't make my ovaries sing.

Of course, I've decided I'm not going into this alone again. Well, I wasn't alone per se the first time. The Kid's father was around for the pregnancy and for a while after birth. But I refuse to raise a child alone.

I mean 'alone' in the sense of partnerless. I have the Parents to help with the Kid, and they serve as a wonderful father figure substitute. But I would like to have a man I love and who loves me and the Kid and subsequent children as well. Someone to share in 'bad guy' duty. Someone to commiserate with at the end of a hard day. Someone with arms into which I can collapse after Kids are in bed.

But since I don't foresee that in the near future, there will likely be no more children. I don't want my children to be so far apart that I am practically raising two separate families, but I'm not stupid enough to rush into something with someone to curb my nesting instinct.

Besides, after a day like today, in which the Kid went crazy on me -- spoiled again all morning by his grandparents and then subsequently by me in order to keep the peace -- the ovaries are starting to dwindle from a roar down to a mere whisper. I raised my voice I think more today than I did in the last month combined. That alone is enough to make one rethink procreating.

And anyway, I have too much on my plate now for a child, let alone a relationship. I have family, work, school and friends occupying every free moment of my time. The rest of it may come if and when it wants. But I'm not actively seeking any of it. God knows I'd never have time to sleep if I did.


At 11/09/2005 10:33 AM, Blogger Small Town Diva said...

Those ovaries talk to you for a LONG time trust me. I'm glad mine are finally almost mute.

At 11/09/2005 12:54 PM, Blogger 21st Century Woman said...

Grr. Well, as long as I can turn the volume down from 11 ("Why not just make 10 louder?" "...These go to 11." -- couldn't resist) to about a 2 or so, I'll be happy.


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